Seeking Sanity

Hey 👋🏾 Hope all is well in your world. The temperature outside is changing and that can be taken in multiple ways. The individuals that appreciate the emergence of the pumpkin spice flavors and smells are about to have their way. I appreciate the heat settling down, but personally not a fan of any of the limited edition fall things. The holidays are about to start up and with them comes a lot, from preparation to unsettled feelings and so much in between. Let us take care of ourselves and show a little kindness to those around us.

    I can only speak for myself when I say I’m still struggling to grasp ahold of the world changes around me and in my own little world. It’s weird to think of where we are as a society, and navigating through that became a bit much for me. The widely accepted truth that change is constant and uncomfortable keeps me going along with the support of my loved ones remaining. I have to remind myself of that all of the time when I feel uneasy and alone. I wish that I could come back in this space and tell you all that I have been completely thriving but that would be false. Since the last time I have blogged I have lost another special person in my life. Someone I cared for and was heading to see before raising the alarm that would result in receiving one of the worst calls. I would never see my friend again. June was a horrible month for me. I am still stuck trying to find where my grief ends and the depression begins. The last 3 years of my life have been filled with losing loved ones and it was a tumultuous summer. I find myself still being so overwhelmed by the loss some days. The acceptance that the house I grew up in is becoming more empty in the physical sense is hard to accept at times. My little sister and I are the last remaining on this side. August and September resulted in the darkest of moments; they led me to reaching out for much needed professional help beyond my normal therapist. Here we are in spooky month and I’m glad to still be here, trying.

     I’ve been in therapy almost 4 years and it’s the best decision I could have made. At this point I can say it has saved my life. I found myself needing some insight and guidance from an outside source because I can’t see it all or do it all. I also needed someone to remind me of that and to be kind, to myself. I feel as though that’s how we drop the ball in a lot in situations. The singular belief that we can do it all alone is actually self destructive. Then we work super hard to be able to say we did it alone , being consumed by the grind culture more and more. It takes a village even after you become a monumental necessity for your created villages. We literally wouldn’t be here without 2 people so to think that you can do life alone is a farfetched thought. It’s okay to need someone. It’s okay to use someone, hear me out, it’s when misuse comes into situations that things go sour. That I’ll wash your back if you wash mine way of life is still a major key 🔑 to successes. I spoke on extending yourself in a healthy nature in one of my previous posts and I included that link here: ⬇️ Take a moment to reflect if needed ⬇️

https://www.afancyvibe.com/post/are-you-available

   With all of the previously mentioned things being drilled into my head often, and actually attempting not to overextend myself, I still find plenty bad days amongst the good. I had a pretty roller coaster like experience both mentally and physically lately. I pushed myself into the abyss of work for weeks while abandoning myself and grieving 2 people loss within 6 months of each other. That way of coping has not been the best in any sense. I have begun the processes to be better in those areas. I had to reach out in ways I’ve never expected, eventually being institutionalized for a bit. I have to give grace to myself and I hope that you extend some to yourself daily. The crash is the worst, unfortunately I can speak to it. Knowing things about yourself can make addressing issues a bit gentler. For instance, I generally do not like starting things at the top of the week or month bc it seems gimmicky to me. It works for tons of people but I always find myself cracking under that pressure of the countdown and falling back into negative habits quickly

.

I have been implementing small changes like cutting back on my food intake, getting back outside to move, catering to my skin, loving on my plants in my garden, and attempting to insert a regiment into my life to grab some sort of what I consider normalcy. My life changed so quickly and I feel like abandoning the things I loved was where the beginning of the confusion of grief and depression began. I’ll be inserting what I believe are helpful snippets of information on bettering a day and healthy production. I have been on this journey for years now. Getting into that good routine for months and then falling off due to something traumatic. Nothing beats a failure but a try; that is a motto I live by. My grandmother used to tell us that all the time and I hold that close. It helps me to be easier about little failures or not being instantly great at something.

A Few Affirmations:

This is a big month for be.. I am hoping to be well enough to share with my friends in all of their milestones. I took a step back from social media all together, simply because the noise became too loud and my content creator “bag” is not worth my mental health. I shared within September to not suffer in silence and got a very bittersweet response. I love and appreciate all of the well wishes, and its always sent back with love. It’s a constant battle to stay present and pleasant. Check out some amazing seasonal tips I’ve previously shared, they may be helpful this month!!

https://www.afancyvibe.com/post/slipped-over-into-october

I’m rooting for whomever took the time to lay eyes on these words. I hope you excel far beyond what you expected and surprise yourself daily with your own strength.